Monday, October 19, 2020

Well Sh*t Fire - Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel For The Second Time

This just might be an update that you will want to pass on. Seriously, you might not want to continue on reading. 

The Dude snapped off this above photo back in July 2019. The photo below was sent to me on October 10th 2020. My buddy, My friends, My mate 

Dennis was diagnosed with bone cancer in December of 2019. Still shocking news to me but even more completely stunned on Sunday the 11th when receiving the grim news.

What you must understand here is that Dennis was more than just a human. He was so caring and found a true passion within the automobile industry. His knowledge of road worthy cars was quite astounding really. Dennis was a jokester and he left us way to early.

Tonight, as I write this, his funeral is about to take place on YouTube in about an hours time. Me, I am beside myself. But for his twin, my loneliness matters are rather insignificant. I sympathize with his twin Robert because Den & I gravitated as one. Example?? When Den was driving, I was shotgun. And Robert and The Dude were inseparable. The photo above, can you guess where I was seated??

This past week was beyond strange for me as I waffled through it in a haze. Example??? Ready for this, a number of folks from my past resurfaced with a wide range of undulating issues or life situations to share. I strived towards my best to accommodate, is that the word, maybe compassion would be the preferred word. Who cares. This past week was a struggle for me as I was processing my mates passing but yielding my feelings to others I care for in hopes they could seek the best possible outcome. But the reality of it, not one asked me how I was doing. 

And that is honestly and a bit candidly OK because I am not sure how I would have reacted. Their calls, texts, and outreaches were a perfectly timed distraction from my own debacles of life now that I am reflecting. The above photo was from 1985. The Dude, Robert, Me, and Dennis at my moms place. Not too long after this shot, TJ bound, back when it was a safe place for dancing and under age drinking. Back when every night was a festival. Back when meals were cheap, safety was never a concern because it was the norm, and the donkey show wasn't even a thing. You Know, The Good Times With Even Better Friends  

Sharing my latest acrylic piece with ya. Tuesday, two days after receiving the news of Den, I poured and then painted this piece for Hippy Jim and Susan. Those two crazy kids hit 15 years of marriage and are as happy together now as they were back then. I only wish I had my photos from that ceremony. That whole week is for another update for future posts. 

How all this ties in together you ask??? Denver Chris just hit the big 50 this past 13th of October. Hippy Jim and Susan to the left, Uncle Karl and Janet to the right. This group was very familiar with the twins. We have cross pollinated the twins with The Cheese Family and the twins joined the family in 2004. So on DC's birthday, toasted the twins a few times. Dennis, we successfully honored your life that night. You would have approved. 

We all took a little field trip on the 13th and hit a few watering holes along the way. The Handle Bar Tap House was first, a new bar downtown GJ after that, and consumed refreshingly wonderful homemade pizzas along the river in Palisade. And guess who I spent that night with?? Meet Ben. Ben is an old 9 year old Golden who's owners passed away earlier this year. Ben now travels with the hippies. Quite happy he is and we cuddled until sunrise. I haven't snuggled with anyone or anything in almost two years now. And that may be the problem, I am fucking lonely. I wish I had the gift of love. 

I truly miss laying as one with someone I honesty love and feel completely vulnerable with. To share that moment when the other person shifts positions in the middle of the night and I briefly kiss them on the back of their exposed neck. Experiencing true intimacy without intercourse. Knowing we will wake as a team and able to take on any adventure we so choose. Filling the day with compliments and completing tasks at hand because you want to. Leaving little treats for your partner for them to discovery later on at some point. Spontaneously preparing their favorite meal so when they walk through the door their sniffer senses go into overload. I dearly miss the simple just because hug. 

So my plan was to head down to the San Juans and camp for a couple of days and be back for the YouTube Funeral. As I am driving along with my obscure thoughts, it dawns on me, I AM IN Phuc-N Hotchkiss. Totally on auto pilot, I turned towards Marble as if I was going to work. What A Classic

Of course I amused myself with "Oh Well" and drove on up to Marble. The good news, it was if I had the whole town to myself to share with Old Mr Bear. The calming sounds of a Fall breeze through the evergreen trees was soothing, zero city light pollution offered up the opportunity for Milky Way staring, and my bed roll spread flat under a canopy of shooting stars. One of the best ways to pass out cold. Speaking of cold, I woke up freezing inside my sleeping bag. Found out later that Marble had a low of 34F/ 1c that night. But totally worth it because the night sky was beyond alive. The air was dead still and constellations were almost lost inside all those tiny of tiniest twinkling light years away gases. Stunning 

The link is about to go live. Warned you that you might not wanna read this. Death of a mate sucks!! Oh, and then just when I thought I was near rock bottom, more Sh*tty news rolled in. Halloween is my favorite holiday and you all know this. I love playing dress up. Our group has been creating theme costumes for decades. Last year was Cowboys and Indians, before that was Robots, and so on. As we always do, July 4th is when we set the theme in stone, we all fabricate our costumes during the rest of the Summer months. This year, the two little ones will be Thing 1 and Thing 2. I'm immediately all in as you all know my history with Dr Seuss. Ideas were bouncing around in my mind like a bouncing super ball inside an elevator.  So I have meticulously hand stitched a Vlad Vladikoff outfit together back in September and just started working on the leggings. Just before the news of Dennis passing away, the theme was changed. The kids want to be dinosaurs now so the adults agreed on Cavemen and Women. Phuc-N Yuck!! Does Mr Sun really have to come up tomorrow? Can I possibly take anymore of this? Will the Human Race ever stick by their word? For me, someones handshake doesn't carry merit these days because everyone has a justified COVID cop out.  

Anyway, Me and The Boy Dog with Robert and Dennis from June 2015. I know that The Boy Dog welcomed Dennis with open paws. Together, those two are waiting for me. Looking forward to seeing you both on the other side. Rest In Peace Dennis 


  1. So sorry to hear about your friend. Earlier this year I also lost a friend who I have been close with since childhood in the 1970s.

    Your post is a wonderful tribute.

  2. Hello,

    So sorry for the loss of your friend. Cancer sucks. You have some happy memories and photos of your friends and the cute dogs. Love the bear! Wonderful tribute! Take care , stay safe.

  3. Nice, and sorry you lost a friend. This post was mostly not your usual writing style and my eyes became a little wet at some points. But a gathering in October this year? No social distancing? No masks? Maybe COVID is not a problem where you live.
    Stay safe me mate.

  4. So sorry for the loss of your friend. His passing has hit you hard. Your tribute is a great way to say goodbye. You will always carry him with you since he is never further away than a thought.

    I hope your memories will sustain you through the sadness, Padre. Take care.

  5. I have to agree with Tom above-Life isn't always fair-most of the time in not fair-but we live on-we need to-sending you a virtual hug

  6. i read, even tho you warned not to!! death is so difficult...for those left behind!!

    and as billy joel once sang "only the good die young"

    this was a beautiful are so very honest and vulnerable. and we must remember how lucky we are to have friends that we will miss so much!!

  7. Losing a friend is one of the toughest things in life. You never really get over it but the memories of better times is a comfort. This tribute came from your heart and I'm sure he would love it. Take care, Padre.

  8. Dearest Travis,
    So glad you went back to Marble, even if it was near freezing while in your sleeping back. That didn't matter, it was for the now 'sacred' memories... It looks kind of odd that you and I are making leaps back to 1985 from the present but several memories are priceless. Worth a lot more than gold and even more than words could describe...
    Sorry that no one asked how you were feeling... that often happens to a person with a warm and caring heart as all love to lean onto them for support and comfort.
    My sincere condolences and glad you got to write this summary of emotions, shared over several decades.
    It is one of the best things for the soul, to write and to live through certain things once again, more clearly as at the moment actually being in it.
    Yes, we all meet again, also our beloved pets that can love so deeply and loyally. We too lost Pieter's best friend, like a brother, who unexpectedly got to know he had bone cancer and also stage 4 lung cancer. His departure was in December last year.
    Never forget that souls never die! They might be closer to us than ever before but we have yet to discover that full meaning...
    Big all around hugs,

  9. I am also sorry to hear of your friend passing.

  10. I am sorry you have to go through all of this and it must be hard to say good bye via youtube, so impersonal, it must hurt even more. Not to be able to hug for comfort, given and taken, is just cruel.
    I hope you find someone soon, I hate sleeping alone and those "because"s are so important, too, to be happy.
    I´m wishing you all the best in these shit#y times.
    At least you could enjoy that night sky, I miss that, too (minus the very cold temps!).

  11. Oh goodness, always nice to remember the good times.
    Sorry to read about Dennis. Sad news and a painful one.
    His suffering is over. R.I.P

  12. Seems like this has been a year of loss for many of us, so sorry to know this news losing a dear friend is like losing a leg you didn't know you is a big HUG for the road ahead.

  13. Sad read, but sounds like you have many warm memories. I remember losing my best friend suddenly. I would be driving down the road, think of her and have to pull off the road because I couldn’t see to drive through the tears.
    Sorry that people didn’t ask about you. You are a giver and a lot of people just take and take. Doesn’t mean they are bad people...they just need someone to care about them, which sounds like you always do.

  14. Hang in there my friend. I am so so sorry about your loss. Sending you healing love.

  15. Oh my gosh, what a time its been Padre, huge virtual hugs coming your way across the ocean from Perth 💜 So sorry about your friend, knowing someone for such a long time in your life leaves a dreadful gap when they are no longer with us. I absolutely love the painting you did for Hippy Jim and Susan, they will treasure it.. that was so nice of you to do when you were feeling so low.. your good karma grows each and every day 💜

  16. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Dennis. It's got to be hard to lose someone with whom you have so much history. (That old photo is FANTASTIC -- so '80s! :) )

    I understand those lonely feelings. I have certainly been there! Is it an option to consider adopting another pet? (Not the same thing, but it helps.)

    Anyway, it's interesting -- reading across blogland it seems like so many, many people are in a "slump" at this darkening time of year in the era of Covid. It's just a hard time. Let's all stick together. Peace, friend.

  17. Heartfelt condolences to you on your loss. Stay strong.

  18. I feel very sorry for you over the death of your friend!!!

  19. I am so very sorry your friend, Dennis passed away. Reading your outpouring of grief made me cry. I hope good memories, memories of happy times like the pictures you shared will bring peace and comfort to your heart. Take care.

  20. So sorry for your friend...
    Stay strong Padre!
    Kisses from Italy

    My Instagram

  21. I am really sorry for your friend Dennis, sometimes life is very unfair. I like your acrilic work, it reflects the pain and turmoil that overwhelmed you in those moments.
    Stay strong, this is only life...

  22. I'm so so so sorry about the loss of your friend. Man, 2020 is just the gift that keeps on giving. Nothing good, right? I hope you can find solace in your memories with him. Keep on giving. You're good at that.

  23. I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend Dennis. When we lose a friend, it is like there is a void in our lives. I imagine this is extremely hard for his twin as well.
    I also relate with you when you say that nobody asked you how you were doing- and that you were partly relieved as you don't know what you'd have said. I'm the type of person who is a good listener so people often confide in me- and not many ask me how I am doing? and often I don't feel like talking about my problems, I prefer to deal with them on my own, but still it is nice when someone asks it and means it.

  24. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I think this post was a testament to the kind of friend he was to you, and you to him. Friendship like that doesn't come around too often in this life, we must remember to treasure it when we find it. Hugs being sent to you and may Dennis rest in peace.